Making Toast, Making Art

My performance experiment was art because I made the toast with the intention of making art. With each time I made the toast, the process became more familiar to me. The process became a habit, but each time I did notice something a little different in my process. I was picking up on ways to make the toast making flow smoother. I perfected the darkness level with each time. After buttering the toast I placed the two buttered sides together to help the butter melt. With each time, I was able to improve the quality of the process. As you can see from my experiment photos I did not start the repeat the process until I had consumed the toast. This was art because I was putting my full attention into the action. In most cases, I rarely think about making toast, but this time I was calculating my every move, making sure I was doing it right in order for the toast to turn out just the way I like it.
Art can be anything, I don't think it is defined as one specific thing. I think something becomes art when emotion and attention is put into the act. Any ordinary day I wouldn't connect so much with toast, but for this I did. It was bringing out my organization and detailed personality. I really like my toast a certain way so if that meant less butter or more toasting time, I was able to change that. Usually I just have to deal with what the toast is like when it is done because I don't have enough time and I don't feel like wasting the food. When something is professed as art and you can see emotion coming from it then that is when it is art. I feel like there is a deeper meaning to art then just the surface.
The difference between art and life is how you make it different. I feel that in life I don't care to much about making toast, but when I spend two hours making toast it becomes part of me and my full attention is given to the toast.
An audience is not necessary in this case expect my mom who took the pictures. If an audience was present, I would have been even more involved. Even though I was calculating my every move, I feel that the audience would be analyzing me more. I would have to adjust to that and probably get somewhat flustered and may mess up, it might turn into a mechanical action being done over and over. It would still be art; however because I have chosen it to be so because I would have full intention of making it art.
Like I have said making toast into art made me realize personality and the detailed person I am. I like things to be a certain way, so when I was making the toast I seemed to be very interested in trying to make it just right. I can see though this being a shortfall of mine too, because I feel I am very judgmental of myself and when things don't go as they should in any case I am very hard on myself. Art is a way to grow and seeing the individual you are inside and out. This 2 hour experiment gave me a little insight into the things I could change that might make me feel better and start giving myself a little credit.

Something special - portrait #2

This assignment was exciting because I could search for possessions in my life that have strong meaning to me. However, I could only think of two right away. The first image in my triptych includes a photograph of my grandmother and I at my highschool graduation. This photograph is beyond a lot of things in my life and is so special to me. During my senior year of high school, my grandfather became ill and passed away just a few months before I received my diploma. My grandmother like always had been the strongest person in our family. I don't even remember seeing her crying at the memorial service; she was incredible. I have always had a great relationship with my grandmother because she has always been so supportive and proud of what I have done with my life. This April my grandmother went into the hospital thinking she would be leaving in a few days. She had developed a bad lung disease and never came back home. She passed away, what seemed to be way to early. It went so fast and devastated my entire family. I was and still am very sad, because she was my last grandparent and I feel like we had so much to share together still. This photograph is very special to me because it shows my connection to her, but also shows her support and love that she gave to me unconditionally.
The next photo contains my stuffed lion - Homer. He was given to me by my boyfriend. Homer has always been something fun and comforting to hold on to, especially when I am away from my friends, family and boyfriend. When I moved to Virginia for my work assignment, it was really hard getting used to being away from Penn State, but every time I cuddled with Homer, I felt like I was back at PSU. The third photo is my favorite sweatshirt. I have had this article of clothing for a really long time. My mom hates the thing and thinks I should throw it away, but for some reason I can't part; and I really don't have a good reason. Whenever I where this sweatshirt it brings me back to my childhood which was relaxing, calm, and reminds me of home. I wore this several times when I was away because it instantly brings memories to my mind of my family.
So to connect all these prized possession I would start by saying that everyone of these reminds me of something warmer, memories that bring a smile to my face when there are tears in my eyes. My grandmother was an amazing person and would have done anything for anyone. She always made me feel loved and together we shared so many memories. Many times I was with my grandmother, I wore the sweatshirt, because I used to wear it all the time. But now I where it here and there, mainly because it doesn't fit as well as it did years ago. Homer is something I can cuddle with at night. He helps me fall asleep when I am sad because I am missing my family. Lately, Homer has been really special since I miss my grandma so much; but also my boyfriend being a few hours away. I can squeeze Homer and I can imagine giving my boyfriend a hug or having one more chance to wrap my arms around my grandma and tell her how much I love her.

I chose these possessions because right now in my life, these are the things that I cherish. I couldn't use a professional aspect, because I have no idea what I want to do with my life right now. To me not knowing exactly what I want to do shows my youth and my time to still be a kid and have fun with life. However I felt my prized possessions reflect things that mean a lot to me, not in myself but other people and their effects on me.
My grandmother was the typical housewife, took care of the kids, cooked, cleaned and catered on her husband. She was always taking care of someone. She was so amazing because even though she would look so exhausted she kept going. It was until my grandfather passed away that she was finally relieved of the stress and was able to relax and make her decisions based on what she wanted. I admire the person she was so much. Like so many of the artists this week showed pictures of the 'housewife' I see my grandmother as that woman that was trapped, but knew she had to deal with it. But like the images changed as time progressed, so did my grandmother. Once she was able to rest and relax and do her own thing, she seemed happy and comfortable, like she had found what she was looking for. I think it is important to have many people in your life, but having control over your own life is really important. Being able to make the decisions that will affect you is important but also seeing what effects it will have on others. This is such a confusing issue and I feel weird sometimes, because I don't know if I am being to selfish or selfless.

Translation

Reading the translation and trying to create my own wasn't all that easy. For every author, there is a uniqueness. It was important for me to first put myself into a situation of jealousy. I have been in this situation, a guy that has this power of you that can control your emotions. It was helpful for me to take the time and read over the translations; even though several were very similar, I chose Mary Barnard to base my translation on based on my jealousy experience. I understand the use of her comparison to god, but for me I found that is was enough to describe him as being tall and high, to me meaning he had power over the situation. The beloved had this power within herself too. She used her softness and sweetness to bring him closer and make him stay longer. I needed to use the description of how sweet she was because many girls use there softness to attract a man. I feel that women use their sense of innocence to bring a man closer and her ability to control the situation will dictate how long he will remain with her.
I react by feeling agony and pain throughout my body. I am jealous I want to be that girl in control. My translation differs in this sense because her laughter doesn't make my own heart beat, it makes me feel more and more miserable. I felt it was important to talk about the flames spreading throughout my body. This makes the pain seem real and big, this is serious. The statement about stiffness helps introduce the inability to speak. Not having the words but the voice not working is something a man in this situation can do to a female. You don't want to seem like a fool, so would it be right to speak, what should you say? These are all questions that run through your mind, making it hard to function and speak. Like Mary's translation I talk about the flame spreading until I have no ability to see or hear. In this case the stiffness makes you not want to see what you are seeing. You don't want to being seeing him with another girl, this girl is taking him away. The statement about sweat reflects to the flames. I found it necessary to say that the sweat was collecting then dripping into every crevasse, meaning something else is taking you over. Finally, the body has lost control and it doesn't seem like there is any way to go on, so like Mary's translation the end is near.
In some cases the female can be the strongest then maybe at times the weakest. How can at one time you have the ability to attract a man with so much innocence using your sweet soft whispers? But at other times you are in so much need of this man that you feel that you may die, that the end is near. In my experience I feel that a majority of women are always searching for something and analyzing the situations. Women take the risks and put themselves in positions were risk is the only option; however it is unclear whether or not this could be beneficial or not.

I finally finished creating my e-portfolio...that was extremely fun! The first portrait assignment can tell a little about the person. At least my portrait to me is clear that I am a girl since I have my hair up in a ponytail. I found my-self comparable to the line Rachel Fudge used to describe 3rd wave feminism - "pro-femininity if you want it." I can definitely be girlie at times and then sometimes I could care less if my hair looks nice or if my clothes match. As you can see, I was having an 'I don't care day' and pulled my hair back. I think it is important and at this present time that I express myself the way I want. There can be some negative feedback if I make certain decisions about the way I lead my life, but to me it is important to fulfill my own desires. I also find it very important to talk about the feminist issues that our society still faces because it will only become a bigger issue if we avoid the problems. Even though feminism exists today, I feel fortunate for what former women and men have worked towards.